5. "Not only will I get you to be a top five pick, but I'll throw in a pr guy to clean up your mistakes."
4. "And son, don't wear you helmet during interviews and cry when you get drafted."
3. "Please cut the dreadlocks and ... can you at least act like you care about your teammates. You know the hold out thing, the quitting on them to fire up fatties"
2. "Yes, I know I had no choice to start the Simms kid. I had to keep his old man quiet, but Major Applewhite just wasn't sexy enough."
1. "Really, we'll beat OU before the Bush twins get their first facelifts."
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